Self portrait

I was going to doodle yesterday but we went to the beach and there were Creatures in the Sand and they sang a magic song and I transformed into a weird Doublebeast with scuttly non-prehensile claws and then I went home and fell into bed

Turning into stuff is tiring is the moral of this story


I would like to use this post to raise awareness concerning the Common or Concrete Spork.

Few of us know that the sporks we think of as cutlery are in fact harvested from these eponymous, mandrake-like creatures. Fewer still have heard of the inhumane practices implemented by large scale agricultural businesses, which remove not only all of the root-buds (thus starving the mother-Spork of nutrients and forcing it to go forage for food) but sometimes the head-stem as well – a cruel practice which has led to a sharp decline of Spork numbers in the wild.

The Concrete Spork is small, a little slimy and of a pale peach or pale lavender colour. It is most commonly found growing through concrete surfaces near fast food outlets or picnic areas, where it occasionally consumes crisp packets and other detritus, but mostly photosynthesizes. In maturity it continually grows forked buds which serve as roots before developing into small immature Sporks themselves- it is these which are removed and dried for us to use as cutlery.

You can encourage the growth of Sporks by disposing of your rubbish carelessly and by cutting down any large trees impeding their access to sunshine. Planting low bushes can also offer camouflage and nesting spaces.

If you wish to offer further help, any donations you might be able to spare for our GoFundMe would be greatly appreciated.


I am not entirely sure any longer if Elspeth is really a name but this is Elspeth so I guess it is. I think they are made of fire but could also be a flower creature. It is all very confusing…


So I have moved to Plymouth and it is another watery town but quite different in that it is Water with a W and all very Active Watering and there are boats of all sizes just everywhere and also people rowing and sailing and paddle boarding and on water skis and it is most impressive.

Also this creature had tiny arms when I first started doodling I guess now it is a sort of water cyborg? Might help with propulsion because those boards are *not* aerodynamic. Hydrodynamic. Something.