I have been asked how many angels can fit on top of a Christmas tree… in truth, it depends very much on the angel. This one is a class V4, which have a particularly high density and largish size; a class B2, on the other hand, could hang out with about seven million of its friends and they would not even be visible to the naked eye. This V4 has dislodged a few hundred thousand B2s, who are all chittering in angry chorus; I believe it sounds like the tinkle of tiny bells…


Oo if this tree were in New Zealand it might attract a koala and the koala could go reenact Up by flying to London in order to escape deforestation, and there would be talking pigeons instead of dogs, and the pigeons are working for a sinister government figure that is supposed to look after the environment but secretly just wants to make a giant coat made out of koala fur and needs one last koala to finish it. The Baddie publically offers the koala a job in a PR stunt, but cruelly betrays it after it turns out the koala can do a better job than the entire department and is about to be promoted to environment secretary. Things get violent and the koala narrowly escapes fur-dom. In the process it uncovers a heinous plot by the Baddie to kill the Queen by sabotaging Santas sleigh to crash into Buckingham Palace. The plot is averted but Santa’s sleigh is irreperably damaged, so the pigeons, suddenly discovering the true meaning of Christmas, carry the koala on its tree through the skies so it can deliver all the presents just in time for Christmas day. The Queen of course pardons all the pigeons and they get a special statue to sit on, as well as a reduction in pigeon proofing around the city (which the Baddie had promised but failed to deliver). The koala is knighted, there is a big party and everyone is happy; even the Baddie gets a really nice warm down coat (with help from the pigeons who each donate a feather or two) and goes on to become a hugely popular fashion designer.

Note: the koala is the one character who cannot speak and just looks increasingly grumpy throughout the film; most of its actions involve biting people. The end credits feature the Baddie tricking it into wearing cute hats or jackets but it escapes every time, by biting, looking very very grumpy.